TESTIMONY

I used to do business and life my way, but when I surrendered everything to the Lord - That’s when things actually got good. But it wasn’t overnight. So let me tell you about the faithfulness and patience God has shown me over the last decade, and tell you about the good work He’s done for me.

I grew up going to a local church that was great - Learned all the stories and had a lot of knowledge. Even memorized Psalm 23 (my favorite sword). I knew of God’s mighty power and many of His miracles, but had no idea what it actually meant to have a relationship with Him. See there’s a difference between head knowledge, and applied knowledge.

I went on about my business and when my parents divorced, didn’t have to go to church anymore. So I didn’t. I turned away from everything I knew and just went about life in the only way I knew how to do it. I started living, at least what I thought living was.

By the world’s standards, I was thriving. Looking so happy and generally just enjoying everything about life. But here’s what living for the world & doing it MY way got me: 

Pregnant and Married at 20, an incredible job in sales working with amazing people. Living in a beautiful house on 2 acres, with 2 dogs, a baby and the husband to match. Traveling 4+ times a year on vacations and trips that were all expenses paid, plus boating on the lake every weekend with family - all summer long. 

My American dream. I had looked forward to this season for my whole life thinking “If I just got married, I would be happy” or “If I just had a house I would be happy”. I even ended up starting my own business in 2020 and KILLED it serving clients and helping so many incredible people. I thought “of course, once I have time & financial freedom, I’ll be happy!”

I was not.

In fact I was hollow. I suffered from crippling depression, laziness, anxiety that gave me panic attacks and struggling with an addiction to alcohol to cope in all the wrong ways. I was overweight (by more than 50 pounds) and I had also learned over time to use my body & male attention as a way to satisfy the desire to be loved. But that’s not what love really is. I didn’t know that at the time, and I ended up in a spiral of sinful choices and coping habits that left chaos in my wake.

I ended up drunk and making out with someone while I was married. I was mortified. This was a wake up call, but really it was just the beginning of a journey of figuring out who I was. And it was definitely not the worst bits either. The hard part was that this was a heart posture I had carried for many years and had no idea until later on.

See, I had repressed what I was actually feeling a lot of the time. I couldn’t communicate in a way that was heard or understood, and I was still processing and grieving my best friend's death which had happened in 2017. I craved freedom from everything that felt oppressive so badly I ended my marriage only to wind up in another relationship with another unexpected pregnancy. Meanwhile, business was thriving with 5 figure months consistently and I was finding joy in everything I did. The relationship was a huge challenge, but it broke me down to the point where I didn’t know who I was, felt like I wasn’t worth anything, and 6 months after my daughter was born, things ended. I was a mess, now a single mom again and grateful because I knew everything was going to change.

BUT GOD.

You see, God had been pursuing me throughout my entire life. Quietly, gently. Nudging me from one place to the next and protecting me through much more than I ever realized.

He knew what I needed and even though I had known of Him while I was younger, he desperately wanted to give me the very love that I had be searching for. Patient, Gentle, kind, slow to anger, gracious when I made mistakes. Loving and affectionate all the time. Turns out I had been looking for it in all the wrong places. 

He sent people into my life in Every moment of this journey that really KNEW Him. Although I had rejected it at the time, the wisdom that He had been sending me eventually landed in my heart.

Jesus met me on the floor of an airbnb, sobbing about all of the men that didn’t love me properly, or the relationships that had failed, and all of the pain of losing my best friend. Jesus met me there – on the other side of 2 unplanned pregnancies, adultery & divorce, shame and guilt loaded on top of me and a burden in my soul to be loved.

He met me there and I remember Him so clearly and lovingly telling me who I was.

He said  “Sam, You’re worth it.”

Calmly, gently, patiently. No yelling. No fight. Just love. And then He revealed to me the cross, that truly I was worthy of dying for. That He gladly and lovingly paid my price because he thought that even “little ole me” was WORTH IT.

And you are too.

You are worthy of love. Of abundance. Of the inheritance that is yours through Christ Jesus. You are worthy of that dream that you have. The relationships you desire. 

You are worth it to Him. Which is why he laid in place of you on the cross. So that you could be reconciled to the Father forever and ever. He desperately desires a relationship with you and loves you so completely, it’s sometimes hard to wrap our minds around it.

My story isn’t new, and it’s not mine. It’s the story of God’s redeeming love and His patience and faithfulness. He has not ever changed - We just forgot who he was. And in that process, we forgot who WE are to Him. 

My walk with Jesus is not perfect by any means. I truly aspire to be more like Him every single day.

And honestly, that’s what makes it beautiful. Because every single day that I spend with him, I am shown deeper and deeper how great His love for me really is. And how much he cares for me and desires good things for me.

Romans 8:28 says “God works all things together for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purposes”.

Once I really understood this - After all the pain and hurt and ache that I have gone through, the shame and guilt, all of it – Once I was able to believe this, I was able to believe Him when he said good things were coming.

It all shifted when I decided to follow Jesus. To surrender to his way fully. And it’s changed my life.

Matthew 6:33 says “Seek First His Kingdom and His righteousness, and ALL else will be added unto you.”

You are worth it. I don’t know who you are, or where you are reading this right now. But I want you to know that you ARE Worthy.

And Jesus loves you SO much. I invite you to turn towards Him. Ask Him into your heart and seek His help in all the things you are doing. It truly will turn out abundantly and exceedingly above anything you could ask think or imagine. He is so good! Hallelujah.

If you have questions about Jesus, or really want to know more about Him, hop on over to my instagram and shoot me a DM.

Praying for you and love you all!

- S